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Shadow Self: How to Embrace Your Inner Darkness


"Beneath the social mask we wear every day, we have a hidden shadow side: an impulsive, wounded, sad, or isolated part that we generally try to ignore. The Shadow can be a source of emotional richness and vitality, and acknowledging it can be a pathway to healing and an authentic life." – C. Zweig & S. Wolf


Your "shadow" is the side of your personality containing parts of yourself that you don't want to admit to having.


It's our unconscious side at first. When we become self aware we then recognize our shadow self. Often the shadow is thought of as negative, this isn't really the case. Your shadow is what you perceive as bad, weak or dark about yourself, therefore hiding and denying it from yourself and others.


One person's shadow self may have elements of manipulation, anger, fear, laziness, cruelty or rage, you may also hide your strengths like: independence, emotional sensitivity or personal power.

How do I get rid of my Shadow side?


No matter how much you work on yourself and your spiritual journey, you can’t not have a shadow side. Even people who seem confident, happy, inspirational, positive, have a shadow side like anyone else. You can't heal or get rid of your shadow because it is an essential and useful part of you.



I have categorized 8 common shadow types you might meet on your path below. It is important to note some overlap with each other and many are interconnected, and it’s not uncommon to possess more than a number of different shadow types:


The Detacher


Detacher type people are usually good at observing, gaining perspective and stepping back on people and situations. These people are introverted in nature, and feel more comfortable keeping a distance from emotional intensity and drama.


Detachers typically need a lot of down time to spend in solitude to access and process their feelings and well as recharge their batteries. They tend to filter their emotions thru their intellect then experience them in their energetic body.


The wound that they often carry with them is “deep down, you are a bad. There is something wrong with you.” Because of this they maintain a stance of detachment to represent a safe way to avoid exposing whatever is inside of them that they consider bad. Detachers feel more in control when they keep their feelings and thoughts in their highly active minds instead of risking themselves thru spontaneous expression of emotions. What they need to understand is that they need to get out of their heads as they are very emotional people deep down and have fears blocking their paths.


The Optionizer


Optionizer types consider many different options and want to fully understand the various points of view in any given situation. They thrive on the discovery of new possibilities, but are restrictive in making a choice, as if they have cut themselves off from finding an even better opportunity.


Optionizer carry a core wound that they are bad. This often resulted from having to make an impossible choice early in life, like having to choose between divorcing parents. They often feel paralyzed when faced with a decision, because they fear that whatever they choose will bring negative consequences to their lives.


In order to conquer their fears, they need to understand that making decisions and acknowledging what they want can create positive not negative outcomes.


The Alerter


Alerter types have sharp, clear intellects, and strong powers of perception. They are alert by nature, because of this they often see things that others miss. They are critical thinkers that question anything and everything that seems too good to be true. This makes them the devil's advocate or watch dogs in a group.


Alerter type personalities carry a wound that says, in effect, “deep down, you are a bad. There is something wrong with you.” This makes them think: if i'm bad on the inside, so are you, therefore need to guard myself from both. They respond to this fear by staying vigilant for anything that can go wrong.


In order to conquer their fears, they need to learn how to access the gold in whatever appears negative to them. This way they can turn a negative into a positive and be a sovereign role of leadership.


The Idealizer


Idealizers can envision something new that has never existed before. They can easily anticipate something good to happen in the future: like making the world a better place for all. They have the ability to see everything thru rose colored glasses, in the best possible light.


Idealizer have a versatile, bright, optimistic personality and a creative mind that helps them to see the world as full of opportunities. By nature, they gravitate to seeing the cup as half full or looking at the sunny side of life.


Idealizer types often believe that they aren’t good enough as they are. Because of this, they compensate by striving to be better than they naturally are in order to be good enough.

In order to move past this, they need to discover the joy in developing their ability to set boundaries around themselves, to protect their own freedom as well as their vulnerability.


The Affecter


The affecters like to present themselves in a way that will create a desired impression on others. They want to create a good image or put their best foot forward to make a good first impression. Affecting personality type includes the ability to act as if we are or can do something that may not be true. To “fake it till you make it” and to “put on a happy face” are both examples of affecting.


Affecter type people usually have a deep concern about how they are perceived by others. Often they strive to impress others, with their achievements and capabilities. They have a core sovereign wound of believing that they aren’t good enough as they are.

In order to cope, they attempt to earn people’s love and respect by going all out to show that they are good enough. They need is to accept and appreciate that they already are good enough, just as they are.


The Fosterer


Fosterer type people like to help others and are instinctively drawn to taking care of those in need. They have an ability to play the role of mom or dad for just about anyone. Other people are often drawn to them for the love, warmth and nourishing support they offer. They

establish relationships based on giving to others and helping them.


Fosterer usually carry the core wound of believing that they aren’t good enough as they are. In order to cope, they tend to give & give in hopes of becoming enough. Because of this they often miss other people's shortcomings. They need to see the negative sides of people so that they can learn to give appropriately, and not waste energy on people not reciprocating them.



The Upholder


Upholder shadow types hold themselves accountable to their set of standards more strongly than other people do. They have a heightened awareness of what is good or bad and wrong or right and often see things in clear cut terms.


Upholders typically were subjected to sharp criticism early in life, were held to high standards or endured hardships. They believe that: “If you don’t do the right thing, or if you don’t do things right, you won’t be accepted. Something bad will happen to you.”


In order to prevent future criticism, they become extremely conscious of the rules to avoid doing anything they consider wrong. They need to accept the childlike side of themselves and others in order to become balanced. By doing this they can learn to live in the present moment and experience feelings of joy, bliss, and connection.



The Relyer


Relyer shadow type have a deep need for connection and belonging.

They look to others to take care of them or give to them, they tend to be in the receiving mode in their relationships. They are usually more comfortable depending on others than having others depend on them.


Relyer type people often have a core wound, that they don't know how to love right or they aren’t a loving person. They need to learn how to set proper boundaries in their relationships, and realize that by doing so they becoming more self reliant and sufficient.



How to know your shadow Self?


Our shadow is usually the first things we face when we start spiritual healing sessions. I provide a safe space where you can talk to me non judgmentally and confidently about everything and anything. As i'm not personally invested in your life, often times my clients will blurt out things that they didn't even know they were thinking or feeling. Getting it out of you is one of the first steps to healing and knowing yourself.


Would you like to explore your shadow side in a safe, friendly environment with a professional spiritual healer? I am available for online booking via Skype: @fromanotherealm. You can book me in my online calendar on my website, link is in bio or contact me directly via Skype at @fromanotherealm. I look forward to hearing from you! I hope this blog post has open your eyes to your shadow self. What is your relationship like with your shadow self?


Namaste ~ Paulina


Hello, my name is Paulina. I went thru a spiritual awakening journey in 2018. I am in touch with my higher self and want to help you find yours. Until your higher self kicks in let me be your guide back home. Book 1:1 sessions with me: www.fromanotherealm.com
 

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