Growing up in a family of narcissist was extremely difficult for me as an empath. Narcissists are on the complete opposite end of the spectrum as they lack empathy or remorse for their actions. While empaths feel everything and anything to the extremes. Empaths are easily targets for these narcissists personalities because they keep giving their love, time, energy, resources but it's never enough for narcissists. They will take & take and suck you dry until you stand in your sovereignty and take your power back from them and cut them out of your life.
A person who has an excessive interest in or admiration of themselves; they think that the world revolves around them. Narcissists lack empathy or remorse for their actions and always play the "victim" card. They blame everyone else for their problems but never acknowledge what they did. It's easier for them to blame it than claim it.
When confronted they always run away from their problems as they don't want to face or acknowledge the truth. They are guided by their egos and find victims to further feed their egos, but it's never enough. They have a hard time saying simple things like "I'm sorry" or even "thank you". But behind this social mask is a vulnerable fragile soul that lacks self love & confidence.
Narcissists keep looking to find happiness from the outside world: people, possessions, material things but that happiness only comes from the inside. That's why they are never truly fulfilled because these things don't make them happy and they keep trying to acquire more & more. But any happiness they receive is only temporary and very short lived. Instead of looking inside themselves they keep looking outside themselves for validation and it keeps them hungry because they are never satisfied.
Growing up surrounded by narcissists was a challenge because I grew up thinking that this was normal behavior. I know now that it's not and it's a serious mental condition called narcissistic personality disorder. I immigrated from Poland as a small child and only had my immediate family for support and guidance. We were very poor and moved around a lot.
My childhood lacked love, support, protection, sympathy and empathy from my parents as they were both narcissists that just keep taking and never give anything back in return. This left me feeling like I did something to make them not love me. Or that I was somehow "unlovable" or unworthy of love. When you are abused as a child you don't stop loving your abusers you stop loving yourself. It wasn't until after my spiritual awakening last year that I finally started loving myself and taking my power back from my abusers. That's when the love for my abusers stopped.
I noticed that everyone I was surrounding myself with were also narcissists: my close friends, boyfriends, family friends and acquaintances. It felt like a trap and that I couldn't get away! Like myself, my sister adapted some of these narcissist traits from my parents. The guilt and shame I had for using these behaviors on innocent victims took a toll on me as an empath. I noticed my behavior in my 20's and changed my ways. It's our choice as adults to continue with these behaviors or change them and choose our own paths in life. I choose to change them.
My sister continued down the same path as my parents. Being around her and her children is very traumatizing for me because it's like I'm reliving my past. Yes history is repeating itself in a negative way. Her children are being neglected and not shown love because she doesn't have love within herself yet. I learned through this journey that you can't give what you don't have inside yourself. She got married, had kids, got a house, dogs, the whole nine yards but none or that made her happy.
Why? Because those are outside validation sources and she has to find that love within herself. I'm not pointing any fingers at her, I'm just trying to use my story to help inspire others in similar situations. This is proof that a leopard can change their spots. Just look how two people who grew up in the same environment & situation have completely different outlooks, levels of consciousness and lives.
Despite everything I've gone through I'm proud to say that I found that love and self respect for myself. They tried to break me but I'm unbreakable! Through all the darkness I was able to find my light. I'm going to be sharing my farewell letters to my parents in future posts so make sure to keep an eye out for them.
What have your experiences with narcissists been like? Did you cut them out of your life completely?
Love & Light,
Namaste ~ Paulina
Hello, my name is Paulina. I went through a spiritual awakening journey in 2018. I am in touch with my higher self and want to help you find yours. Until your higher self kicks in let me be your guide back home. Book 1:1 sessions with me: fromanotherealm@gmail.com
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