My relationship with my Mom has always been turbulent. She always gave me bad anxiety and caused me great amounts of stress just being in her presence. I never understood why she "got under my skin"until my Dark Night of the Soul. That's when I realized she was a manipulating narcissist. Here is my farewell letter I wrote her:
Dear Wanda,
You say I'm "stuck in the past" is you not acknowledging what you did to me. You never wanna talk about it always run away from me when I start to try. The only one who is stuck is you: because you don't have enough guts to face your past head on. You self medicate with alcohol, paxil and cigarettes, but no amount of alcohol, paxil or cigarettes will get you away from this... God knows the truth and deep down inside so do you! You blaming me and pointing the finger back at me is abuse. It's easier to blame it than is claimed it. Saying you're the one being abused (insinuation that I'm the one abusing you)is ludicrous. That's just another form of abuse against me! You starting to cry and blaming everything on your Mom / my Dad is verbal abuse. You ridiculing my spiritual beliefs on a daily basis is emotional/ psychological abuse. You mock my love for God is mental abuse (you're actually mocking God our creator when you do that not me FYI). You calling me "sick" "so skinny" "I've done nothing wrong" "crazy" & "you need to see a doctor" is criticizing me and putting me down which is verbal abuse. I can go on & on but I'll leave it at that. I see thru you. I see your true colors. Energy doesn't lie. Every time you abuse (verbally, mentally, emotionally, psychologically) it's like reliving my abusive childhood past which is traumatizing. And you wonder why I can't "get over it?" Just because you are OK & continue being abused doesn't mean I am. We are very different people if you can't see that already... Yes, you were abused by your mother as a child, but that doesn't give you the right to abuse others: especially innocent children! At least you had your grandma, dad, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends, family, home country etc. Me & my sister had nobody! You took us away & isolated us and the abuse escalated. The only people we had to rely on was our own Mother & Father which were also our abusers.
The reason why I didn't see this earlier was because I stopped loving myself when the abuse started and gave all my power away to my abusers (you & Dad). This is the exact reason why my sister doesn't see this... YET! When I finally started loving myself is when the love for my abusers stopped. Not to mention we had nothing to compare to since we were isolated from everyone. I grew up thinking this abuse was "normal" however I now know better than that. This was child abuse by both of you... shame on you!
Your secrets are not safe with me. I'm done by holding your secrets to make you look good. Secrets intrude ourselves.... those are your secrets not mine! I was an innocent child that did nothing wrong. I speak the truth and yes the truth hurts, but maybe this way you will actually STOP doing it! By exposing you and your manipulative ways I hope to wake you up to this reality that you created
I wish you the best however I don't have any room in my new life for you. I will no longer be sacrificing my happiness to boost your ego, you will have to deal with God from here.
Namaste ~ Paulina
Her response?
My Mom taught me some great lessons about myself and made me stronger. It's because of her I found unconditional love within myself. However, i'm done learning now and I love and respect myself enough to walk away from people and situations that no longer serve a purpose in my life. I'm using my situation to help inspire others in similar circumstances. It's often hard to break the cycle when your apart of the cycle. I AM thankful that I was blessed with the clarity to see my situation for what it was: emotional and mental abuse. I believe that ALL of our experiences in life help us to grow and evolve. Because of all this I AM stronger & wiser. I AM thankful for the lessons learned because they shaped the woman I have become!
Going through a spiritual awakening?
During an awakening, it may be useful to have some professional guidance: someone who can confidently, patiently and without judgement help us, step by step through the healing process. If you are in need of someone to talk with about triggers, past trauma, childhood wounds or repressed emotions. I am available for online booking please contact me directly at: fromanotherealm@gmail.com
Face whatever is holding you back head on and it no longer has power over you, you have power over it! Awareness and anything can't co exist. Awareness is more powerful than your ego, your emotions, your thoughts and your feelings. Awareness is what gets you back home to your soul purpose.
You can use your pain and turn it into power. If you are willing to work on where your pain comes from, the lesson to be learned and turn your knowledge into action, you can use your suffering to turn you into a stronger and wiser person! I look forward to working with you on your spiritual journey.
Love & Light,
Namaste ~ Paulina
Hello, my name is Paulina. I went through a spiritual awakening journey in 2018. I am in touch with my higher self and want to help you find yours. Until your higher self kicks in let me be your guide back home. Book 1:1 sessions with me: fromanotherealm@gmail.com
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