Usually our attachment styles develop in our early years of life (before 2 years of age). But we can also develop different attachment styles in abusive or toxic relationships.
How do attachment styles develop in early childhood?
Our parents (or caregivers) behaviors form the way a child perceives close relationships. Since a child is dependent on their caregivers for everything: food, shelter, comfort, support, protection and love.
When a child's emotional, physical and spiritual needs are met, this is how they become securely attached. If a child's needs are not met they often display signs of anxious, fearful, avoidant or disorganized attachment styles particularly in intimate partnerships.
It is important to note that you don't necessarily have to fit 100% into a single category. With self- analysis you can learn to identify unhealthy patterns to better understand yourself and what you may need to work through and heal in order to improve your relationships with others.
Types of attachment styles:
1. Anxious / Preoccupied:
Adults with anxious attachment styles have partners who are often referred to as their "better half."
The thought of being alone or without their partner causes them a lot of anxiety and stress. Usually people with this type of attachment style have a negative self image of themselves and a positive image of others.
They often seek support, responsiveness and approval from their partner.
2. Avoidant / Dismissive:
These individuals often perceive themselves as being a "lone wolf" type who are independent, strong and self-sufficient on their own. They have high self-esteem and a positive view of themselves.
They believe that they don’t have to be in a relationship to feel complete. Adults with this attachment style usually avoid emotional closeness in intimate partnerships.
3. Disorganized / Fearful-Avoidant:
For adults with a fearful avoidant attachment style, the partner and the relationship are often the source of both desire and fear.
Fearful-avoidant people want intimacy and closeness, but often have a hard time trusting and depending on others.
4. Secure Attachment:
A person with a secure attachment style is comfortable expressing emotions openly. In return, they can depend on their partners and their partners can depend on them.
Their relationships are based on authenticity, tolerance, emotional closeness and honesty. They do not depend on the approval of their partners, and tend to have a positive view of themselves and others.
Want to figure out your attachment style? Take a 5 minute quiz:
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